


Out of My Mind

by Srcbabies



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: ...to a point, Canon Compliant, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Eddie Kaspbrak-centric, Eddie looks for his token, Headcanon, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Pennywise (IT) Being an Asshole, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, This man is pining and he doesn’t even know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Srcbabies/pseuds/Srcbabies
Summary: What are you looking for Eds?OR After the losers split up, Eddie goes to look for his token.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54





	1. He doesn’t know.

**Author's Note:**

> Had this idea in my head for a while now and I just had to write it down!
> 
> Let’s pretend that the losers came back to Derry in August lmao because I actually don’t know the exact date so I just made one up!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read :)

A token?  _ A fucki _ — What the fuck does that even mean? Eddie sure as hell didn’t know.

He looked around, exasperated that his friends seemed to know exactly where they wanted to go, considering they all took off in different directions as soon as Mike had dismissed them. Hell, even Richie did too. The only person to agree with him just minutes before.  _ What a traitor. _

Eddie sighed and just followed their lead, finding his way out of the trees and soon coming out into the clearing. Mike said to meet him at the library that night, so he had hours to figure this shit out. But where to even start?

Bill had said they weren’t together that  _ whole _ summer and Eddie knew that.

He knew that all too well.

He remembered being miserable those few lonely weeks his mom kept him away from his friends. It was scarily similar to a prison sentence. He hated the anguish he (just remembered) still felt after all these years thinking about that period in his life, the time when his mom was in full control of his life. 

He shook his head of those depressing thoughts when he found himself near the center of the town. It was surreal walking down these streets again after all these years later. And if that didn’t make him feel his age...

Distracted by the sights and sounds of the ongoing parade, (a beaver mascot, really?) he never noticed the kid coming towards him with balloons until it was too late.  _ Fucking asshole.  _ He turned around to possibly (definitely) give the kid a piece of his mind when he noticed the building across the street.  _ Keene’s Pharmacy.  _

He felt a chill go through his body. He had half a mind to go in there, take a stroll down memory lane, maybe even stock up on supplies; when everything changed around him. 

The music had stopped and gone were the tacky parade floats. He cautiously took a step back when he saw that no one was in sight anymore. The goddamn street was deserted.  _ What the fuck? Where did everyone go?  _

Eddie spun around, looking in all directions, hoping his eyes were playing tricks on him. Maybe he just fainted from the balloon impact? Having a lucid dream (nightmare) while he was passed out? He knew that little kid was a shit! 

Balloons can be dangerous (right?!) especially when coming into contact with them. A bunch of them…  _ (Yeah, that sounds about right).  _ The statistics of hot air  _ balloon _ accidents speak for themselves after all…

He was panicking. Panicking bad. He couldn’t breathe. He needed his fucking inhaler  _ now _ . He looked towards the pharmacy, ready to run across and demand one, when he felt a breeze pass through the lonely street, carrying scraps of papers along with it. One hit him straight in the face and he hastily grabbed it bringing it into his vision, reading it’s contents.

Eddie froze. 

_ In memory of Richard Tozier. Beloved son and friend. Memorial service held on August 25th, 2016.  _

Today is the 25th.  _ Rich. _

Eddie didn’t know why his throat felt so tight all of a sudden. It’s just… allergies, he decided. The wind must have blown stray pollen his way. Yeah. He should pick up some fucking Claritin on the way… 

_ On the way to what? _ He didn’t know.

_ Today is the 25th. _

He shook his head and tightly shut his eyes. No, Pennywise was just fucking with him. It wasn’t real. It can’t be. Eddie stood still, still shaking his head, growing more frantic. He was waiting for the sudden sting in his eyes to go away. Waiting for  _ this  _ to just disappear and everything becoming normal again.  _ Please… just please… plea— _

He hears the loud sound of a door opening to his right. The sound of church doors to be exact. He knew that sound all too well. He gasped loudly, blindly reaches for the inhaler he doesn’t have. Eyes still shut.

_ What are you looking for Eds? _

No.

And he hears music again. But it’s not festive; it’s not music reserved for the residents of Derry to celebrate, instead it’s reserved for the dead, to mourn. 

Eddie slowly opens his eyes and is greeted by a new sight. A new sight to his adult self. An old church was looming over him, with it’s doors wide open for the world to see a fucking coffin meters away. A memorial service.  _ Richie’s memorial service. _

His eyes were burning again.  _ Today is the fucking 25th.  _

Climbing up the stairs to the open doors, Eddie steps into the church.  _ I’m so fucked, shit. _ The center aisle was decorated with a faded maroon colored rug. Enormous wooden pews on each of his sides, making up the rows. The pews were sparsely filled with grieving… clowns?

_ Why Rich, what are you afraid of?  _ Eddie shuddered at the memory. 

He carefully made his way down the aisle, closer to the casket, twisting his body to avoid getting too close to some of the clowns that were sitting at the edge of the pews. 

He had to get to Ric— the coffin. To see if it’s him inside… to know for sure.

Fourteen steps later (he counted), Eddie arrived at the front. Just inches from the closed casket. He swallowed the bile in his throat and mustered up the courage to open the casket.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t immediately see Richie’s face, only a thin white sheet covering the body. Growing tense again, he quickly tore the sheet off and wanted to throw up. 

It was Richie, his best friend in the entire world, lying still. Eyes closed. ( _ Where the fuck are his glasses? He needs his glass— _ ) Looking even paler than normal in a ridiculously proper suit Eddie knew for a fact Richie would hate.

Eddie gasped out, feeling the beginnings of an asthma attack overtake his body. His limbs went completely numb; he couldn’t reach for his (phantom) inhaler even if he tried. He was completely frozen at the sight of his Ri— best friend lying so still in the coffin.  _ Please wake up… Richie please… I don’t want to go home alone please Rich— _

“Richie!” Eddie felt a chill creep across his shoulders when his ears picked up the cry coming from behind him. “Rich!” He turned slowly to see his thirteen year old self running down the aisle, barreling straight through him to get to the casket. To get to a dead thirteen year old Richie.  _ What the fuck? _

_ What the fuck is happening?! _

He stepped back as he took in the sight of his younger self desperately holding onto his friend; sobbing into his left arm, laying his right protectively over Richie’s chest. His right arm still had the cast.

_ Lover. _

_ Love. _

_ What are you looking for Eds? _

Stop.

He couldn’t fucking breathe. Eddie’s eyes were still glued to the sight before him. He still couldn’t move.

He didn’t know if he wanted to. 

His younger self was still sobbing when Eddie noticed a twitch over take the boy (him?). One small one. Then another. And another.

Soon, the tiny body was spasming, a dark liquid started to ooze from the boy’s (his?!) mouth at an alarming rate. 

A sickening crack filled the entire church as the boy’s back popped out of place as if caused by a phantom being. Eddie flinched and stumbled back, horrified at the sight. “Rich… you know that I…” 

Eddie quickly shut his eyes, shutting out everything around him. He couldn’t take it anymore. 

_ This isn’t real. This isn’t real. Richie isn’t dead. This. Isn’t. Re— _

He opened his eyes hoping for the best. 

And heard festive music playing again. He quickly looked up and found everything the way it was before; the parade going strong, people happily milling about, children running around. He was back on the street. Away from the church.

The nightmare was over.  _ The fucking clown.  _

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. His face felt wet.  _ Damn… allergies.  _ He wiped the tears away with his jacket sleeve

Eddie took a few deep breaths and continued on walking, making his way towards the pharmacy. He needed his fucking inhaler.

  
  



	2. But he knew well enough.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His cheek fucking hurt.
> 
> Bowers was dead. Holy shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a second there, I was gonna have Eddie get his inhaler and avoid the whole leper ordeal because this poor man has already been through so much! But then I remembered, it’s because of that encounter that Eddie KNOWS how to make It weaker,,, soooo big dumbass moment on my part lol.
> 
> So, the leper incident did happen, you just won’t read about it. Also, Henry stabbed Eddie. Ouch. Sorry Eddie.
> 
> Enjoy!

His cheek fucking hurt.

He needed to go to the hospital because  _ clearly _ , what he had in his luggage wasn't enough to fully close the wound. The bandage covering his cheek was hardly doing anything but shield it. It's definitely gonna get infected by the time he— 

Oh god. He's gonna die. Not from the clown, but from an infection.  _ Thanks a fucking lot Bowers _ .

Oh, right.

Eddie cautiously glanced towards the figure on the floor.

Bowers was dead. Under the sheet. He attacked Mike because he was next, ( _ what does that even mean?!) _ after himself, and Richie came in at just the right time and killed him.

He swung an axe to the back of his head. Holy shit. 

_ Good riddance. _

Eddie turned his attention back to the group to listen in again. 

Mike was frantic while talking to Bill on the phone. Something about Bill losing a kid… 

Eddie's eyes widened.  _ Wait, what? _

"Come to the library. We have to stick together!"

"Bill wait—"

He hung up. 

Eddie raised his brow.

"He's going off to fight It alone." Mike said solemnly, shaking his head and storing his phone away in his pocket. 

Beverly spoke up, "And there's only one place he would go to fight It."

Silence fell over all of them. Eddie defensively crossed his arms across his chest. A slideshow of memories playing throughout his head.

Flashes of Neibolt. How rundown and dirty both the interior and exterior was. Richie freaking out over the missing poster.  _ His _ missing poster. Going up as a group to the second floor. Getting separated from both Richie and Bill minutes later.

The leper. His broken arm. The fridge.

The fucking imposing clown drooling over him and almost killing him.

_ Fuck,  _ Eddie sighed. "I'm not gonna like this am I?" he asked the others.

———

"Let's kill this fucking clown." Richie said, face set in determination.

Eddie felt a sense of peace hearing the familiar phrase.

They were there. Ready to enter the house and (hopefully) come out alive. Leaving one dead alien clown behind. For good this time. 

Eddie took a deep breath and nervously looked around his surroundings one more time before following the others up the steps and into the house. Keeping close to Richie and Bill.

_ Deja-fucking-vu _ .

He held his breath as he took in the interior of the house again.  _ Ugh.  _ Dust was covering every surface, while cobwebs took up the ceilings. His literal worst nightmare. He really should’ve thought to bring a medical mask…

They all stopped in front of the stairs and saw black liquid ooze from the steps. The same disgusting liquid that made an appearance at the chinese restaurant. He shuddered at the memory.

"Well, I love what he's done with the place," Richie remarked dryly.

Eddie rolled his eyes,  _ Beep Be— _

"Beep beep, Richie" Beverly said, not even bothering to look Richie’s way.

They explored their way further into the house, going down a long hallway and coming upon an opening to their right. Wait.

_ Shit. _

The fucking kitchen.

Bill led both he and Richie into the room.

They didn't notice the others weren't behind them until it was too late. When they heard a scream from the other room.

It was Ben. 

"Ben!" He and Bill shouted at the same time. They both ran to the door, only for it to slam closed before they could make it out. Bill started slamming his fists against it, yelling out for Ben, while Eddie jiggled the knob. It wouldn't budge.

They were locked in. No way out. 

Eddie was panicking. Desperately still trying for the knob, he couldn't breathe. They were split up again. Just like… 

_ Guys— guys! _

Blocked by another door.

_ Eds! Eddie! _

They were all gonna die. He took a few shuddering breaths, ready to reach for his inhaler when he remembered. 

He wasn't alone this time. He had Bill and… Eddie paused.

Richie _.  _ He's here. He's still here with him. He's not trapped on the other side. He's not… 

He stopped messing with the knob and turned towards Richie. 

Richie met his worried gaze, coming closer, "Eddi—"

A rumbling sound shook through the whole room. The fridge had started to shake. All three men's attention was pulled to it. The screaming and yelling coming from beyond the walls of the kitchen were momentarily forgotten.

_ Not the clown. Please not the clown. Anything but the clown, pleas— _

"It's Stan…?" Richie blurted out nervously.

Stanley grinned while looking towards Bill, "It's your fault I'm dead Bill."

Bill shook his head, "N-no…"

Eddie shook his head frantically. Willing for the vision to go away. 

At that moment, Stanley's head detached from his body and rolled across the room. They all backed away, keeping a wide berth from the head's path.

It stopped in the middle of the room, facing towards them.

They all watched in horror as legs started to sprout from Stanley. 

"Richie? What's happening to me?"

Eyes wide, Richie shook his head helplessly.

Twig-shaped branches grew out of the corner of Stanley's eyes. The spider-like legs coming out of his scalp, grew longer and longer until they stopped. The legs then picked up the head, holding it up. 

"You've gotta be fucking kidding," Richie exclaimed.

Stan screeched,crawling towards them at a fast pace.

They all backed away in fright, avoiding contact with the creature as much as possible.

Eddie yelped as the  _ thing _ came towards him. He kicked it away in panic, backing away towards the wall.

_ I want to go home. I want to go home. _

_ " _ I can't do this! I want to go home…" Eddie said into his hands, parking himself in the corner of the room, away from the chaos.

_ Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it sto— _

The room was silent again, he noticed. The only sound was coming from their panting breaths. Eddie cautiously uncovered his eyes to find Bill and Richie across the room. The  _ thing _ was nowhere to be seen.

Eddie let out slow breaths, trying to calm himself down. He placed his arms against the wall to ground himself.

Richie sighed in relief and turned his attention towards him. "Eddie, you okay?" Richie asked in concern, reaching out for him.

Eddie gasped out, "Yeah, I…" The sight of drool hanging between them interrupted his sentence.

Richie looked up.

"Oh, there he is."

Stan immediately advanced on Richie, clinging to his face, drooling  _ everywhere _ . Richie fell hard from the impact. 

"Ahh! Get this thing off of me!"

"R-Richie!" Bill yelled, running to his side. Grabbing the creature and trying to pry it from Richie's face.

"Eddie! Get t-the knife!" Bill turned and screamed at him.

Eddie mutely shook his head.

_ Oh shit. _ He couldn't move. His heart was beating way too fast in his chest. 

He couldn't fucking  _ move.  _

Eyes still glued to the scene, his ears tuned out everything but Richie’s screams. He fell into a trance as he watched Richie struggle on the ground.

_ Richie is going to die _ .

His eyes were burning again.

Images of this afternoon flashed through him. The church. The casket. Richie lying dead in the coffin.

No movement.

His throat constricted. The furious pounding of his heart, hurt his chest. Eddie couldn't help it anymore.

His vision blurred. Tears were leaking down his face.

_ Richie is going to die. _

Eddie saw nothing but himself again. His younger self.

Holding desperately onto Richie. Sobbing into his arm. His cast laying over his best friend's chest.

_ Lover. _

Black sludge leaking… 

_ Rich… you know that I… _

He was abruptly pulled away from his thoughts when Bill slammed him into the wall.

Bill's grip on his shirt was tight. Still shaking him furiously. Bill's words fell on deaf ears, as his eyes were still fixed on Richie.

"I can't see."

_ He needs his glass— _

"Stan's dead! Do you w-want R-Richie too? D-do you want Richie too?!" Bill spit out harshly, shaking him out from his stupor. 

He still couldn’t make himself turn away from Richie. Eddie shook his head, “I do-don’t want Ri— I don’t want Richie…“

He finally looked at Bill, pleading with his eyes, “I was just scared. Please don’t get mad Bill…”

Bill paused with regret shining in his eyes. He let him go and backed away, calming down finally.

“T-that’s what It wants. Don’t give it to him, Eddie.”

Eddie shakily nodded and brought his sleeves up to wipe his tears.

Taking the level-headed approach, Mike suggests they go down into the well from there. Everybody readily agrees, wanting to leave the room behind as soon as possible.

Eddie moves to go but pauses when he’s stopped by Bev.

“Here take this,” She offers him the spike in her hand. “It kills monsters if you believe it does.”

He looks at her questingly, “It does?”

She nods and gently smiles.

Eddie swallows and takes the spike, bringing it to his chest and holding it tightly in his hands.

_ ——— _

He tried. He really fucking  _ tried.  _ He just wasn’t cut out for this. 

He couldn’t help Richie. And he couldn’t help Bev.

_ Fucking useless. _

He was the shittiest friend on the planet. 

Eddie watched Mike and Bill crawl down into the hole before he spoke up, “Guys, I can't do this. I-I can’t go down there.” Eddie shook his head emphatically. He let go of the spike and heard the clang of it meeting the ground next to his feet. 

Richie looked towards him in concern before moving closer. “What?”

Eddie scrunched up his face, “You saw what happened up there. I would’ve let you die Rich…” He frowned thinking about it, but continued on, “If I go down there, I’ll get all of us killed and you know—“

Feeling the beginnings of an asthma attack, Eddie quickly reached for his jacket pockets, pulling out his inhaler.

Richie was instantly by his side, grabbing his hand. “Hey!” He said, trying to take it away from him. 

“Richie stop!” They struggled for dominance over the inhaler.

“Give it here you little turd!”

Eddie breathed out, “Real mature asshole!” He knocked Richie’s hand away and pumped the inhaler twice and sucked in the ‘medicine’. “I got it.”

Richie stepped closer and cupped his bandaged cheek, “So you had a moment up there, that’s fine.” Eddie frowned again, meeting his eyes.

“But who killed a psychotic clown before he was fourteen?”

He breathed out, “Me.”

Richie pushed further, “Who stabbed Bowers with a knife he pulled out of his own face?”

Eddie felt himself relax, leaning into Richie’s warm hand.

“Also, me.” He said softly. 

The taller man smirked, “Who married a woman ten times his own body mass?”

_ Asshole.  _ He glared up at Richie, “Me.”

“You’re braver than you think,” Richie gently patted his cheek, his face full of… something. Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen Richie with that look on his face.

While gazing at  _ him _ .

_ What are you looking for Eds? _

Shut up.

Mustering up his courage, Eddie leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to Richie’s cheek. He quickly pulled away to see Richie’s reaction, biting his bottom lip in the process. 

“Alright thanks, Rich.”

Richie stared dumbly at him before shaking his head. He cleared his throat and quickly backed away. 

Eddie can’t be sure, but he thinks he saw his cheeks flush.  _ Huh. _

“Uh, a-anytime Eds.” Richie finally says back, pointedly staring at anywhere  _ but  _ his face.

_ Don’t call me that, dipshit.  _ Eddie smiles.

Ben finally spoke up from a few feet away, “We shouldn’t keep Mike and Bill waiting guys.” 

Richie quickly nodded and moved towards the opening, leaving Eddie looking after him. 

Once Richie and Ben have gone, Eddie grabs his spike and goes to climbs down next.

But he stopped when he felt a hand on his back. Beverly. 

“Hey, why’d you do that?” She asked.

Eddie looked up at her and sees nothing revealing her thoughts in her expression. She was just curious.

_ Why did he do that?  _ He doesn’t… 

“I don't know.” He replied. 

_ What are you looking for Eds? _

But he knew well enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Executive Producer Dick Wolf
> 
> Lemme know what you think :)


	3. I Won’t Fight It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s still time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I see you on your back, there’s blood everywhere. You’re holding your heart in your hand.”
> 
> ...enjoy.

_ Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. _

Eddie was pretty goddamn sure now more than ever that he was gonna die. Whatever saved them back then, wasn't going to save them now. The ritual didn't work. A killer spider-clown was gunning to kill them all. And his cheek still burned from where Richie touched him.

Weird.

_ Best not to dwell on that now when there is a literal murderous clown antagonizing them from meters away. _ Did he mention that said—clown became a fucking giant? 

So yeah, he was pretty sure he was gonna die. Painfully.

_ But not alone _ , he reminded himself. He had Richie with him. And thank god for that. He doesn't know what he would have done if he faced the doors alone. Opening one and seeing a closet (?) with what he was pretty sure was Betty Ripsom's legs running towards him was scary enough, but the fucking pomeranian-turned-monster took the cake. 

_ Should've picked 'scary'. Should've picked 'scary'. Should've pic-- _

"Next time, we'll just go with regular scary!"

"Next time?!" 

Eddie was distracted from replying when he lost his grasp on his flashlight, hearing the definite thud as it fell to the ground. He quickly bent to pick it up and moved to follow Richie but something stopped him in his tracks. A whisper from behind.

_ What are you looking for Eds? _

He shook his head, “Stop.”

The sound of a door opening followed. Eddie turned around. The middle door was wide open this time.

Another fucking closet.  _ Why was it a another closet?  _

The chaos behind him momentarily forgotten, he cautiously approached the opening while holding the spike tightly in his hands.  _ It's just a closet Eds. Nothing can be worse than the dog, right? _

He made it to the doorway when something dropped from the ceiling, landing by his feet. Eddie jumped back, looking at the new foreign object in his sight. 

It was a noose.

" _ Eddie-bear!" _ His eyes widened and he moved to slam the door closed. He stood there panting and wiped the sweat from his brow with his jacket sleeve. He didn't bother gagging at the unsanitary action. His jacket was already dirty anyways.

Screams echoed through the narrow tunnel. Eddie's head popped up in surprise.  _ Rich.  _

———

"Holy shit!" Eddie exclaimed in surprise.  _ I fucking killed it, holy shit.  _

_ “You’re braver than you think.” He was right.  _

_ Go get Richie. _

He turned away from the still clown and ran towards Richie lying unconscious on the ground. His best fucking friend.

Thank fuck he's okay.

"Hey! Rich…buddy wake up!" Eddie gently nudged the other man, kneeling down beside him. The heavy weight in his chest, that constricting pressure he felt the second he saw Richie floating in the air, finally eased after seeing him open his eyes. He smiled wide. "Yeah there he is! Richie listen man, I think I killed it for real…"

Richie mutely nodded and licked his lips in response, slowly coming back to the world. Back to Eddie.

He pressed on.

"I think I killed it! I did it! I think I killed it for real--" A sickening crunch was heard as a claw impaled him straight through his chest. His body thrusted forward from the impact. He thinks he hears Bev scream from a distance away, but he couldn't be sure. His focus was on Richie.

Richie gasping in shock. Richie looking at him with him wide eyes. Fresh blood coating his face. His blood. 

Eddie looked down and weakly brought his hands up, touching the claw.  _ Oh fuck.  _ He looked back up.

"Richie?" Blood leaked from his mouth. The pain was finally registering through him. "Rich—"

———

Eddie grunted in pain as Richie and Bill gently laid him against some rocks.

_ Hey, this looked familiar.  _ Except Richie was in front of him this time. Holding his leather jacket against his chest. Not his arm. His arm was fine.

He moved to put his hands over Richie’s. The pressure of their hands did nothing to stop the blood. But it felt nice…holding onto Richie.

He closed his eyes.  _ I’m going to die. _

“Hey, stick with me,” Richie reached to cup his cheek, thumb caressing over his bandage. Eddie was surprised by his gentleness. But he should’ve known better. Richie was always gentle with him. Always touching him.

_ (But he knew well enough.) _

Some things never change.

“It’s almost over Eds.” 

“Don’t call me that asshole.” Eddie softly shot back. Richie smiled in response. He was still caressing his cheek. Eddie grinned and reached with his right arm to weakly grip Richie’s god awful printed shirt, but abruptly stopped when he coughed up blood.

He froze. 

_ His younger self holding onto a dead Richie. Sobbing into his arms. Getting struck by a phantom force. Dark blood oozing from his mouth. _

_ A broken confession. His confession.  _ His eyes widened in realization.

Oh.

_ It’s not too late. It’s not…  _

Eddie gripped Richie’s hand tighter and met his eyes, “Richie.”

“Yeah?”

“Richie, I gotta tell you something.”

Richie leaned in, “What’s up buddy?”

Memories flashed before his eyes. Memories of them two only. Passing notes in class. Riding their bikes together. Playing  _ Street Fighter.  _ Staying up eating sweets and watching countless movies. Reading comics under the lamplight. Sharing the hammock. Again, and again, and again.

They were  _ special _ . Sure, he was close with the other Losers, but with Richie it was different. He convinced himself back then that it was perfectly normal always be touching him. To always want to get close to him. To always want to spend time with him and him only.

To miss him when he wasn’t there. 

It was always Richie. It was him when he was thirteen and it was him now, twenty-seven years later. 

How could he forget?

_ There’s still time. _

He felt lightheaded. 

“You know…that I…” He blackened out before he could finish telling his best friend that he loved him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could NEVER kill off Eddie. Nope, no way. These gays deserve their happy ending, so stay tuned.
> 
> Chapter named after the song, I Won’t Fight It by Andrew Belle. Give it a listen if you want :)

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback? Thoughts? Lemme know what ya think ;)


End file.
